President Biden to VP Harris: Please Fix America

As we enter into the great unknown of post-pandemic open society, American workers are dreading the familiarity of office politics, fights over the thermostats, stolen lunches from the break room, and all those useless meetings managers insist will “Start on time, cover only agreed upon important topics, and that will end on time.”

Some workers never had the opportunity to work from home, so to those workers, many things will remain the same. But overall, American businesses will look different over the next month as returning workers will add pandemic and vaccination stories to the normal daily recaps of sports, general news, and company gossip.

When work from home workers were last in the office, there was a different President and Vice President, America still believed their democracy was safe from insurrection, and someone named Jared Kushner was the behind the scenes “Vice President.” Jared was tasked with every special project given to him by the lazy former president who clearly set about punishing Jared for marrying Ivanka — the former president’s only true love.

Faux “VP” Jared was a disaster in the role, doing what he learned in corporate America: royally fuck shit up, take no blame, and pocket millions. In his and Ivanka’s case, $640m — the reported amount of money the daughter and laconic loser Jared banked while doing absolutely nothing.